You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
