here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
