I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
