you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
