On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
