I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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