he puts the penis in happiness.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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