then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
