and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
