Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
