If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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