I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
