They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
