Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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