yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
