Soap is not a condiment
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
