but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
