u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
