1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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