I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
