Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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