just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
