You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
