I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
