I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Can Purell be used as lube?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
