I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
