What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
