There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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