I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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