I murdered the dance floor call the cops
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
