Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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