so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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