No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
