ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
