Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
