So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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