new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
