so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
