No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
