New low: just hacked my moms facebook
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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