Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Randomize
