I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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