i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
