I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
