I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
