But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
