Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i just made my gag reflex go away.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
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