the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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