she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You made out with two different species that night
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
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