You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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