i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
