i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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