Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
